Generations in Session

From Motivation Myths To Real Coping Skills

• Path Positive • Season 1 • Episode 8

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Feeling stuck waiting for motivation to show up? We flip that script and make a case for action first, feelings second. Together we get honest about why starting feels so hard, why perfectionism fuels procrastination, and how small, concrete moves beat grand plans every time. You’ll hear simple, realistic tools we use with clients—and live ourselves—like rough drafts, five‑minute starts, and chunking big assignments into doable steps that calm anxiety instead of feeding it.

We dig into coping styles you can actually apply during a busy week. Task‑focused moves handle the root cause; emotion‑focused reframes shift the story when you can’t change the situation; and strategic breaks prevent spirals by resetting attention. We talk through when to push and when to pause, why “working well under pressure” doesn’t scale, and how to build a runway that avoids last‑minute panic. If you’ve ever reinvented your productivity system instead of doing the work, you’ll learn how to stop negotiating with yourself and start moving with simple if‑then cues.

This conversation also tackles consistency over intensity—especially around fitness and learning. Missing a day isn’t failure; it’s a reset. We share ways to restart quickly, protect energy, and separate optional goals from non‑optional obligations without the shame loop. Expect practical language, zero fluff, and stories that show how progress really happens behind the scenes: imperfect drafts, steady reps, and fewer excuses. If you’re ready to trade waiting for motivation for building momentum, this one’s for you.

If this helped, follow the show, share it with a friend who’s stuck, and leave a quick review—what’s the one small action you’re starting today?

The conversations in this podcast are for informational and educational purposes only. While we explore clinical topics, nothing shared here should be taken as medical or therapeutic advice or used as a substitute for professional mental health care. Everyone’s journey is unique—if you’re struggling, we encourage you to reach out to a qualified therapist or healthcare provider.

If you’d like more personalized support or qualified therapy, you can connect with us at Path Positive.

SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to episode eight of Generations in Session, a path positive podcast. I'm Kaelin.

SPEAKER_01:

And I'm Elizabeth.

SPEAKER_00:

And today we're going to be talking to you about motivation and finding movement when we're feeling down and out. We're also going to be talking about coping strategies to help manage when we're feeling under stress.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. So goal setting, task priority, figuring out what's important, helping ourselves use the word and when it comes to emotions.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, so that's what's coming up, and we look forward to you hearing it. So when talking about this topic, one of the first things that comes to mind for me is the idea of motivation. I find for a lot of people they have this belief that they should just feel motivated from the start. So there's this thing. I don't feel the motivation to start. And well, in the beginning, I can start by feeling inspired, and I can sit down and I can be very excited. And yet after two days, it's over. So what would you recommend for someone who is feeling this way? You know, they've got this project that they're passionate about, but they're finding themselves without drive and without movement.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I guess we always start where we start is why am I doing this? So is what are what's my reasoning? What is the due date? What is the time frame? And if we're talking about life, there isn't quite the due date in the same way, unless like it's paying bills or making dinner or stuff that's got very specific time frames. But it's about recognizing there's probably a pretty good reason why you're doing it, or feeling okay with not doing it, setting a timer for a couple of minutes and complaining to yourself, God, I really don't want to do this, I don't want to do it, having an adult temper tantrum, which is totally allowed when we have it in our own space, and then sitting down and reminding yourself of the fact that you are going to do it.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. So, you know, there, I think it's a key point there of looking at it and really deciding, is this something that I I want to do? Um, with your point with why, you know, why do I want to do it? Because there are a million different great projects, but we can't do them all. So sometimes we need to sit down and we need to look at a project and decide, is this the project I want to start with? Is this the movement that I want to make? And that can help separate and move from passion into actual action.

SPEAKER_01:

So are you talking personally? Because business-wise, we probably don't have that same latitude or school-wise.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I mean, I think it depends. Because there are when you're looking at starting something, whether it's passion or business or something that doesn't have a due date assigned to it. So I was thinking more along the lines of when you're feeling this inspiration that I talked about.

SPEAKER_01:

To like work out, for instance? Sure.

SPEAKER_00:

So working out or starting a new project or learning a new skill, right? There are certain things and they have time commitments that come along with them.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And from time to time, there are going to be things that we really want to do. Maybe you want to learn a completely new language, but you sit down and you look at the why and you look at the schedule that you have available, and you decide maybe now isn't the time to start this project.

SPEAKER_01:

So we build our goal to do it in concrete, and the timeline shifts because it's in sand. So I don't have the time to do it right now. You know, I think that that piece is probably easier for people to get their head around than things that are non-optional to complete.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Okay. So what would your advice be for someone who has something non-optional to complete then?

SPEAKER_01:

Mm-hmm. Well, I I guess that's what we start with. Is this something that has to happen? And if the answer is yes, it's like, well, you're going to do it now, or you're going to do it in five hours from now, and it's going to take you five hours plus the time to take to do it. So if you know it is something that has to be complete, then we sit down and do it. And people are like, okay, well, I really don't want to. And I think this goes back to your earlier statement around motivation. It's okay, you don't have to want to, and still have to do it all at the same time. So clearly understanding that in life there are things that we have to do even when we don't want to do them. And as long as it's legal, I would start with that line, legal and safe, then it is something that we figure out how to do.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, like when this is a school project, for example, I find with this it definitely can feel a bit mixed. Because, you know, yes, I have to do it, but I also I've got five weeks to do it. So why am I doing it now? Is definitely one of the questions I know I've heard myself ask in the past. And honestly, the answer is, do I have time right now? You know, there are going to be times when you actually do have to move projects later. And the reason for that is you've got other things going on. But it's oftentimes when we're feeling like we don't have anything that we have to do, and yet there are still these projects that are coming up in the future with nothing else and no other reason to really push it. When I find it can be so hard to try and squeeze in the time. So moving and shifting the concept of, ugh, I really don't feel like doing this, and changing it to, you know, I have to do it. Is it going to happen now? Or is it going to happen when I feel like I'm under a much greater time pressure and constraint than I am?

SPEAKER_01:

So another tool that I've definitely recommended for people who have got higher levels of anxiety is to chunk it. So take the project that's due and build it into smaller pieces. So my anxiety clearly is different than yours, honey, because I like to, when I have something on my plate, I like to take it off my plate and move on to something else in front of me. So there are definitely pros and cons to both of our approaches. A pro for me is that when it's on, it's off and I'm done. A con is when I'm juggling 300 different things at once. It's it's significant juggling that has to happen. And in those moments, it's almost like an auxiliary anxiety floats. So we've talked about anxiety and how you need a certain amount in order to want to do anything. Too little anxiety and we're undermotivated and do nothing, too much anxiety or stress, we're overwhelmed and don't do anything, but the space in between is where we thrive. So everyone's got a different tolerance, and understanding who you are and what's important to you is going to be part of the motivation and drive. You know, when we talked about coping, I know that when you you've done your thesis on coping, so you can speak to it better than I can. We used to think that people were lazy when they weren't doing work.

SPEAKER_00:

We did. So I would say that covers probably more under the procrastination aspect of my thesis, which was the argument that you know there was once the belief where people who didn't complete their work simply weren't completing it because they didn't want to.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, they weren't motivated for school, and it was just a a lack of drive.

SPEAKER_01:

That was definitely how it was in my age, right? Going to school. It's like you didn't do it because you're lazy. A very common theme back then, I think common now, but incorrect.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. So the the new research has shown that it's not actually the people who don't care who tend to push their work, it's the people who care so much where starting it can feel like an overwhelming task. You know, for a lot of people who procrastinate, it's sitting down and looking at it and wanting to get it perfect. So reading, rereading, or even pushing off reading, because it's like, oh, you know, I don't know if I can read this to the right amount right now. I'll just read it later when I have a clearer head. And it's a consistent pushing off because this is something that's overwhelming, but it's also something that we want to do really well on.

SPEAKER_01:

So a feel of a fear of failure. That is tough to say. Yeah, it can be it is, it is for me today. Yeah, which is just an interesting perspective to look at it and important that we have to tackle it because ultimately the tasks have to get done. So, in that kind of situation, what did your research recommend?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, sort of something that I've kind of brought up in some of the earlier episodes is the idea of the rough draft is one. So finding a way to take the pressure off of being perfect the first time, you know, if nothing else, read through the assignment. Take a look, actually read through it and sit down and look, and then you'll have a better idea. Because so often we might want to do perfect, but we're so stressed about opening the assignment that you'll wait and you'll wait, and it's it's the day before, the night it's due, and all of a sudden you realize, wow, they gave us two weeks to do this because it takes two weeks to do this assignment, not because you know they want to give us plentiful time.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, you know, so coping, the sooner you look at it, the better off you are. We're always better to know than not know because we always do the what if, which we've talked about in here. What if this happens, what if that happens. And whenever you say what if, remember you need to translate it in your brain to what is, what is it I know, what is it I can do? And I definitely, and we've been guilty of it ourselves, where if we don't get something perfect, we restart over and over again um just to try and nail it. But the point is, is that we still keep going. So you don't you don't stop, you don't alter, and you know, as soon as you start in your brain, I can't do this, it's like it's a reframing about you're going to because you've chosen to do this. I mean, for some people, elementary school and high school is not optional, like that's something we got to do, but school past that is something we choose to do, and work is something we get paid to do. So it is about finding the time to do it, and the more time you have, the better off you are. The one thing about uh I know about anxiety is the longer you put it off, the harder it is to start. Um, because you're still using all of that energy. Remember, it's an energy, it's a fuel source. So if I'm using all this energy to tread water, when I go to swim on marathon, I'm not going to make it that far because I've used the energy just sitting still.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you're completely right. It's thank you. Interesting. I I find we do there's a really interesting thing that people tend to do, and it's when we find something that is causing us stress, we so often choose to push it off. But the problem with that is one, as you were saying, we're gonna continue thinking about it, which is going to use up that energy. But we're also teaching ourselves every time that we push off an assignment and we feel that little bit of relief, we're teaching ourselves that this is the way I want to handle this stress in the future. You know, our brain works through reinforcement. You know, when you're a kid, your parent goes, if you act really good, I'll take you out for ice cream later.

SPEAKER_01:

Not this parent, but definitely they're not.

SPEAKER_00:

Or if your mother goes out for a run, we'll take you out for ice cream in the middle of the night. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Be good when mom's out running with uh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, exactly. You know, so it's this idea of knowing that the choices that we make ultimately help to reinforce the future choices that we're going to make.

SPEAKER_01:

Classical conditioning, right?

SPEAKER_00:

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01:

And while there's conditioning, opposite conditioning, just conditioning all on its own. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And and while there's nothing we can do about choices that we've already made and the past that has happened, we can start to make a change now. And starting to move, while it'll feel really difficult right now, will start to get easier. You know, those little things that we push off so often, sometimes you start to realize when you do them, and when you push them to something regular, they're not quite as big.

SPEAKER_03:

No.

SPEAKER_00:

Especially I find when there are tasks like doing readings at school, you can dread doing them. And I remember I used to like pushing them off until the weekend or sometimes even further.

SPEAKER_01:

And not you.

SPEAKER_00:

When you I know, not me. And when you go back to do them, all of a sudden you have a pile of readings, and yet had you done them sort of incrementally throughout the week, it wouldn't have felt like as much work as it does when you sit down and all of a sudden there's this daunting pile of things to do. You know, when we can tackle things in smaller amounts and over a greater period, we'll always find it will take less effort and will overall be much less stressed.

SPEAKER_01:

That's right. That's right, because you're using your fuel in an effective way. So if you think about the quickest way to two points is a straight line. And for every time that we stop, it's kind of like you're going to the left or to the right. So we've got this veering pattern to a point that we all have to hit. So if we acknowledge and recognize that the outcome is inevitable, then the doing it is just part of the process. So, what can I do? How can I move forward? We've talked about in here, you talked about Kaylin, you know, is this going to take more than five minutes to do? And if it's not, then sitting down and doing it and big papers take more time. But the principles are the same. You know, people who get a lot of stuff done are just better organized at what's happening. They don't ask whether or not they want to do something because they don't have the opportunity to reorder and restructure in their brain. They need to do it and move forward.

SPEAKER_00:

They also don't sit there and try to be perfect at organizing.

SPEAKER_01:

That's right.

SPEAKER_00:

They don't try to rearrange and reorganize and come up with a new system for this is how I'm going to manage it. Because that's one of those things that we do that feels really productive in the moment. You know, oh, I'm I'm creating this new system, this one's gonna work. This time is gonna be it. This is my new system. And unfortunately, it's not, it's not gonna be different from the last one. What we have to do is we have to change something else. You know, if you've tried to create a new organization system and it didn't work, then we need to try a new approach and a new method.

SPEAKER_01:

So or pay attention. So we like to move because our emotions are loud, right? They're intense, they're strong, and we as a society, I think, are really uncomfortable in sitting in them. And yes and no, yes and no. So when we are in something, paying attention to, okay, so what's the goal? What's the objective? Uh, how am I moving forward? And digging through the layers to find something else. So I really don't want to do this, and I recognize this is something that has to get done, and I acknowledge that by starting this reading, I will start to feel better, um, is what I mean by digging through in order in order to paint your picture. So, something that uh clinically, when people get overwhelmed, we talk about chunking. So think about it like when you sit down to eat a steak, you eat a steak one bite at a time, or chicken, or our are um for our vegetarians in the space.

SPEAKER_00:

Tofu. Tofu vegetables, lots of options.

SPEAKER_01:

Any type, any anything at all, actually. It's about taking the time to put it into smaller bites. So for those big assignments where we don't know where to begin, that's where we begin. So these are the words. What do I think about when I'm thinking about these? And almost mind mapping them, right? Where we're just plopping stuff onto a page and we're pulling and putting it into priority. You know, you're gonna notice by listening to the podcast that the suggestions we make are not high-level rocket science. It is about consistently figuring out what helps you to move forward and what are some of your blocks, and acknowledging that the times that stand out are the times that it's hard to do. And people who are highly successful and highly motivated are willing to do one thing more than the average bear. It's not a lot, it's just this one thing where they're willing to recognize and acknowledge even though they don't want to, they get to, right? You get to. So I get to do this, I get to move forward, I get to try, and it's hard. And it is hard.

SPEAKER_00:

It is hard. And you know, I think kind of one of the one of the topics here is really just just start. You know, the important piece here is when we're feeling it, there is no too little time. Simply sit down and start reading. You know, this assignment's really overwhelming me, and I need to find time to do it. What are you doing right now? You're probably sitting and stressing about all the things that you have to do and coming up with this entire list in your head.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And then what we need to do is simply pick something. What is it that I can move right now and start to go in that direction, make that movement. You know, if there's an assignment that you have to read, pull it out. Start reading it. You know, even if you only get through five minutes of reading it because something else pops up and you've got other things you have to do, you're five minutes ahead of where you could have been.

SPEAKER_01:

Yep, 100%. So we I've talked before about uh emotions being like water. And when you're stressing, you're damning the water. And a levee system is what we use to help the pressure go up and down. And emotionally, a levee system is action. So, what we're talking about here are items that have to happen, and feeling overwhelmed is definitely part of it. What we're not discussing is when you have a lot of workflow. So, if you have too much stuff that one person can't do, that's not what this topic is about. That will be another topic. This topic is focused on the drive, and really truthfully, it's about doing it even though you don't want to.

SPEAKER_00:

It is. It is, and it's something that you don't want to hear. You know, there are so many things that we don't want to do. Yeah. But think about all those things that you don't really want to do, but you do anyways. Yeah. You know, there are certain things that we might not specifically want to do, but we do, you know. Breathing, for example, less related to this, but it's not something that you particularly want to do, per se. It's not, I go out of my day and think, wow, I'd love to take some really deep breaths this morning. We should, though. It's something that we have to do, and it's something that we just automatically do. That's right. And it's one of those things that we can start to use. You know, you don't question when you wake up in the morning and you start breathing. Well, I guess you breathe the whole night.

SPEAKER_01:

Yep, but it would be bad less.

SPEAKER_00:

If you're ever paying attention to it and you're taking a breath, you don't ask yourself, oh, why am I taking this breath? I don't feel like taking a breath right now. You simply go up and you do it. You know, holding your breath underwater is maybe a better example here. A better example than waking up from sleep. You know, you don't just lie under there and wait. You you go, oh, okay, I should probably go up and take a breath here. And it's not, oh, I don't feel like swimming up to the surface. That seems like so much work. We just have to make action towards the direction that's going to help us.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Yeah. It it is important and uh a valid uh comment. Um, so we're gonna switch gears here for a minute and we're going to spend a little bit more time diving into our why, which is not a question we use with emotion, but definitely a question we use around motivation, and that's with goal setting. So tasks and things that we want to achieve. So a goal setting that comes to mind often with people with me is physical activity. And I do feel as human beings, when we set this goal, I'm going to, for instance, work out, I'm going to move, I'm going to do certain things. And we get into a pattern or habit of doing it where we're getting up and going to the gym or we're working out after or going for our walks. And let's say we're doing it for a couple of weeks or even a month. So we've we've hit the month threshold and we're like, woo-woo, it's on lockdown now. And then we miss it one time. We're like, okay, well, that's it. I am done doing this forever now, as opposed to recognizing that it is okay to reset that goal. So it's important that you are okay with making mistakes, which is what we've said. And you know, you've only stopped doing something for as long as you don't pick it up and do it again. So if working out is that thing and you want to get out and you want to work out, it's about moving. And I know that people are like, I'm too tired, or I don't have the motivation to do it. And really, the thing is, is most of the time we've spent our motivation talking ourselves out of doing it. So for the drive home, it's like I'm really tired, I don't want to, I don't want to. And as soon as that conversation starts, it's like, and that's okay. And I understand that. And when I get home, I'm gonna put my shoes on and I'm going to try.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, when we give ourselves the space to look for an excuse and to look for a reason not to do something, we find it. You'll always find it every time.

SPEAKER_01:

Every time. And that's not to say that we don't do it. We're not calling people lazy. We know that people who don't get started don't get started because they want to be perfect. But you know, if you think about life as a test, and if you get it right 80% of the time, you're still scoring A's. And if you get it perfect only when you try, and you only try 10% of the time, you're only you're failing.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you know, there there are differences. You know, you can go to the gym, you can go to you can go and you can do one month and you can work out five days a week, and you can get a good solid month every year. You know, oh, every time I hit January, my goal's clear, and I go, I'm there, I'm in the entire month, and then I stop. And you can have another person who maybe only goes two or three times a week because that's what fits their schedule, and that's what makes them feel good. And you know, everyone's gonna have our own goals, but if that person's going two to three times a week for the entire year, they're going to be much better off. And yet oftentimes we'll find ourselves, oh, what's the point in going if I'm only gonna go one or two or three times, or if I'm only gonna go for a short period. The the thing is it's not about how much, it's about just doing. Which I know we've sort of brought up quite a few times, and I think this is a a good space where I can review some of the coping that people might not be as familiar with. So when we talk about things that stress us out and stressors and these events that make us feel nervous or anxious or overwhelmed or stressed in any way, we have typically three boats of how we can handle that stress.

SPEAKER_01:

So that would be how we define coping, right, Kaelin?

SPEAKER_00:

Exactly. Yep. So coping, the first style, is sort of what we've been talking about most of the way up to this point. It's this idea of task or problem-focused coping. So this is directly addressed at dealing with the root cause of the stressor.

SPEAKER_03:

Yep.

SPEAKER_00:

So this thing is stressing me out, so I'm going to target that event until it's not there. And then there's nothing to stress about anymore at that point.

SPEAKER_01:

Yep. Which falls under adaptive coping.

SPEAKER_00:

It does. Yep. And then we have another style of coping, which is considered emotion-focused coping. So this revolves around our feelings about something that's causing stress. So not the stressor itself, but the feelings that that stressor invokes.

SPEAKER_01:

Can you give an example?

SPEAKER_00:

I can. So there are actually two styles of emotion-focused coping. One is the traditionally less adaptive method, which is sitting there and instead of focusing on the assignment, it's, oh, I'm stupid. I can't do this. So we're removing. Yes. So we're relieving the stress of the assignment by placing it somewhere else. And when we're not feeling much better, we are less stressed about the assignment in its own way. Now, the other alternative is usually focused around more of a cognitive restructuring idea. So we're going to change the way we think about it. You know, yes, this assignment is stressing me out. Like one of the key examples is you're in a test situation. I'd love to tell you that in a test situation, that you could study more or you could practice more, you could target the stressor. But when we get into those events, there's nothing we can do but manage the emotion. So our job is to really think about it and go, you know, maybe I don't know this question right now, but I'm going to pause, I'm going to move on, and the answer will come to me. So just shifting the way that we think about things can reduce their stress. You know, if there's an event coming up that you're a bit nervous for, reminding yourself of the and I'm also excited can be a very helpful way to help get us into movement. Now the last one sort of aligns with this procrastination topic we've talked about, and this would be avoidance. So there are two types of avoidance as well, and they do differ in adaptiveness in the same way.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So one is straight up ignoring the assignment, ignoring everything, pushing it off. It doesn't exist. This is in its own world. I don't have to think about it because it ain't there. But we have another option, and this one's adaptive because it brings us, and it's more about prioritizing and finding a way to spend time with friends. So going out and making social events can be a really adaptive way to cope. Now that's right. We can't do it all the time. Obviously, there is moderation involved, but it's critical that we are going out and we are still finding time for ourselves.

SPEAKER_01:

So sorry, honey. I think part of the reason that that one works as well if we talk about accommodation. So when our brains are doing a task and we're in the middle of it, it stops paying attention. So we accommodate. Let me give you a specific example. You walk into a room and there's a strong smell and you notice the smell. You're in the room for a long period of time and you stop noticing the smell, not because the smell isn't there, but because your brain has accommodated to the smell. When we're working on a project or an assignment, and we can't and we get writer's block, accommodation is traditionally happened because you cannot get your brain out of that pattern. So I think going out with friends at that time or taking a short break is important.

SPEAKER_00:

So there's uh another piece to this that I find a lot of people who are more corporately focused or especially in startup companies or in businesses where You've got a lot of demands and things going on. And we'll be there and we're trying to get work done. And we're in this idea of, you know, I really want to be getting this work done. And I feel terrible that things are not going as well as they're supposed to be. And in these times, what I always recommend is it's time to get up. It's time to move around and take a break. And I'm not saying that you're going to go and quote, steal time from work all day, but there are lots of these jobs where people are in a very flexible situation, often working past their supposed end time and before their start time.

SPEAKER_01:

And I think the most important piece is that when you're stuck, you're stuck. So sitting in something you're stuck with is not going to make you any more productive. But getting up and transitioning and adaptively coping in a different way, or going to the proverbial water jug and talking to somebody and talking about like the weather, or talking about, I mean, politics would probably not relax you in today's environment, but talking about something that's work adjacent.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it's it's mostly about getting up and doing something that's going to recharge you. Because here's the thing we can sit there for two hours and we can talk about how we're supposed to be doing everything and we're disappointed and we really should be able to do this, but we're not able to. Or we can get up and we can move for 20, 30 minutes or go do something, switch it up because it's going to help bring us back and we're going to be stronger in that environment. So these are sort of the coping mechanisms that have been discussed in research.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, and I mean, and if you start ahead, you have more time. That's why the longer the runway, the the cleaner the takeoff. And the shorter the runway, the more extreme you have to be, and the less time you have. You know, it's funny when people who work under pressure really well work under pressure because they don't give themselves the option to stop. And sometimes people work really well that way, and other people don't. So get curious about your own ways that you cope and adaptive coping and maladaptive coping, even adaptive things. If we do too much programming and not enough action, so too much, hey, problem solving and not writing anything down, it is not adaptive. If we spend too much time ignoring how we feel, then it is also not helpful. So trying to find the middle ground as human beings, the center is the best place for us to be.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Like one of the points that I was going to bring up was related to sort of that idea of burnout that we've talked about. And it's, you know, I know that it feels like we can work really well under pressure, and we definitely can, but we can't sustain it forever.

SPEAKER_01:

No. Which is a fast burn.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes. There are times when we can definitely work really well and push ourselves under pressure, but it's important to take that time and recharge outside of it. Because if we don't recharge, we're gonna lose the energy and eventually we're going to reach a point where tips over and crash.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. So, you know, understanding how you feel and how you get through it. Um, we've talked about running to complete and running to compete.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

So remember, remember the difference between those two things. As we're learning ourselves, we just want to complete something. And as we get better at it, we want to compete at it.

SPEAKER_00:

And, you know, with coping, well, I have talked about it as three sort of distinct coping strategies. One of the most important findings that's really come out recently is it's not about using any one strategy, but a combination of all of them. And the example I like to give is related to imagine you have a car.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

If a car is the tool, I like cars, and this is something, you know, it's gonna get you from point A to point B, it's gonna solve your problem. Now imagine that car is on fire.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_00:

Jeez, yeah. So our emotions are overwhelmed, and it feels like we still get in the car? Yeah, it feels like the world's collapsing around us. And sometimes what people try and do is completely ignore the fire. And you go in and you try and grab it and you get burned.

SPEAKER_01:

Yep.

SPEAKER_00:

Ouch. So what we have to do is use a combination. We're going to have to sometimes address the emotion and really look at it and try to answer that and then move into movement. You know, I know we've talked a lot about task focused and just getting into the action, but sometimes it does take self-care. And as we've said, going back and recharging that emotional parachute, you know, sleeping, eating, making sure we're not feeling over understimulated and getting enough physical activity.

SPEAKER_01:

Yep. Yep. We are um physical beings, right? We're animals and we require certain things in order to perform ultimately. You know, it is part of emotions to acknowledge that they are there. We feel them, but don't feed them and recognize that even though we feel some way, and and we want to do something, uh something else about it. So we've mentioned before an emotion is a chemical response to a stimulant, and a feeling is a label we put on that chemical. Our body only produces so many chemicals, and we've got tons and tons of words for feelings. And feelings is is exactly that. Unfortunately, I feel like in today's society we put a negative feeling and a positive feeling, even though feelings are neutral, that we need to be careful when we are labeling something, we don't make it harder or bigger than it is. So I can't is important to acknowledge. I mean, unless it's like, okay, I want to swim 500 meters or 500 miles and I can't, that one I'll give you. But if we're talking from an emotional perspective and you haven't even tried yet, the answer is how do you know?

SPEAKER_00:

How do you know? I think one of the things that's come out is, you know, I can't yet.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Adding something on to the end of, you know, I might not be able to right now, but that doesn't mean I'll never be able to. And, you know, there are going to be situations when there are things that aren't possible, you know, might not be physically capable, or you know, you can tell me I'd love to go live on another planet. And I'd say you do that, but it might take currently not now, but who knows?

SPEAKER_01:

Maybe, maybe, maybe in your lifetime. Um, yeah, so some some realism around it, but we I can't and I don't, and um on stuff that is totally doable.

SPEAKER_00:

We we spend so much time feeding, you know. I I've definitely talked to people, and it's I'll never be able to achieve high grades in school, for example. I'll never, you know, be able to accomplish those things. Those people are just naturally better than I am. And you know, while some people might have a head start, there is always a way to accommodate and to find your strength, right? You know, people might excel in certain areas and find things aren't challenging and in others really struggle, but it the struggle isn't the issue here, it's the taking the struggle and then moving through it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, struggle is what makes us better. So when I was trained, um, same principle with IQ and EI, emotional intelligence, and intelligence quotient is we are all born with a spectrum of possibilities. So certain things we can do in socialization, which we've talked about, helps to promote where we fall into it. And the truth is, is everyone can learn something. We may not learn at the same rate, and we probably won't learn it the same way, but everyone who tries can learn something. And we stop because we measure ourselves to something often that isn't real. Social media, I think, plays a role here, and people trying to be something they're not, co-workers, and they can see a bad habit of judging people for their final product and not noticing the workflow. So people are jealous of. So personally, you know, I've been in private practice since 1997 and have a flexible life balance that was important for me to be home when you guys were young and to be around. So I definitely worked for that and built a practice and spent a lot of years advertising and doing all of that great stuff. And people are like, Liz, you're so lucky to have the life you have. And and luck is not actually how I have the life I have. It was hard work. So laboring under correct knowledge is an acronym I've heard for luck, which I really do like because it takes work to get there. So when I started practice, I worked on Saturdays, I worked nights, I volunteered, I wrote newsletters every week, I wrote doctors, I went out and visited people. Like I had a calendar of events that like, did I feel like doing any of that stuff? And the answer is no, nope. But it was a couple of years of marketing and 10 years of really hard, hard work. And then the work alters and changes. And when I had probably my 15th to my 20th year, my I would know that it was time to market because of the ebb and flow of clients. And now that I'm at the point that I'm at, it pretty much is self-sustaining. So my clients are referring to clients, and goodness, I'm seeing some of my clients' children and passing some of them along to you, which is a really neat transition uh for me professionally to see my son step up and step in. And you know, Kalen is starting maybe a little bit further ahead than I did, but he has a lot of marketing and hard work to do himself. He's got to go to school, he's got to take the degrees. And my answer is the same thing. If you love my lifestyle, go to university for 10 years, market for five to 15 consistently, and you too can have the life that I have.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you know, it's recognizing there's more than meets the eye. You know, there is a whole picture and a backstory, and there's lots of work that goes into most things. Yeah. You know, anything that's worth having is hard. It's hard.

SPEAKER_01:

It's hard. And we're in an instant society where we expect people to get back to us right away and instantly. And, you know, God, there are so many times where I haven't wanted to do something. So many. So many. Probably honestly, more times I haven't wanted to do something than I have. How about you?

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, I'm certain of it. You know, I think we spend so much of our time during the day of, oh, I don't want to do this, I don't want to do that. And sometimes it's just trying to calm that conversation, you know, take that voice in your head and look at it and really answer it and go, you know what? It doesn't matter right now what I want or don't want to do.

SPEAKER_01:

Or acknowledge it's there. I hear you, I recognize, but I've decided I'm doing. And and and I'm doing, and I'm doing. You know, in order to be brave and courageous, you have to be afraid. In order to be motivated or inspirational, you have to you have to feel the opposite of it. And literally, it just takes a couple of minutes of walking down the path and white knuckling it in order to get to the next step.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Okay. So that was episode eight.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_00:

I know. As a review, what do you think the most important take-home points for you are today?

SPEAKER_01:

It's it's tough for me. This was a tough topic to talk about because it's important for me that people recognize that it's hard to move but impossible to stand still. So when we are not picking up a task that needs to get done, we are using the energy we need for it in a way that is counterproductive. So acknowledging that there are going to be days where we're not as productive as we want to be, being kind to ourselves and letting the past go and being curious. For me, mental health is always the same thing. It's trying something different and new. How about for you, Kaylin?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you know, I think my biggest take-home is understanding that there's different ways to manage a problem, you know, different ways to cope with stress, and it's not about using one all the time. It's about flexibly choosing the right option for the situation and what's going to help bring you back to a place where you are able to continue moving.

SPEAKER_01:

And you know, sometimes speaking it out loud to a friend is important. So I just need to vent this to you, let me write it down and figure out the process. Or sometimes saying the, oh my god, I'm terrible, I can't do this, I'm an awful human being. And as soon as you say it out to somebody, they'll be like, What are you talking about? Which will help ground us and is also a coping technique that we haven't talked about. Reaching out, uh, we did talk about going to see people, but talking through a problem, not to commiserate, but to share on the focus. So five or ten minutes, five minutes on the problem and ten, ten or so on the solution. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, so uh we'd like to thank everyone for listening to the podcast. We invite you to to leave us any food feedback, or you can send us a text through the description below. And we also look forward to some of the upcoming episodes. Uh, you know, we do have some guests coming up in not too long. So we look forward to having you come back and listen. And if you're enjoying the podcast, we invite you to subscribe.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, and you know, something else, just super quick. This particular podcast for us was a little harder to do. And I think sitting down and just pitching it and making it not perfect, but moving through it was the reason we were able to do it. Hope you enjoyed listening.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, thank you.

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Elizabeth Hepworth

Host
Head Shot

Kaelen Hepworth

Host